Winds that bring change

I’m aware that only my closest friends and a couple of really sweet online acquaintances go through the trouble of reading my longer-format content. And to be honest, nowadays that gives me a lot of relief. 

For an entire decade (2011 – 2021) I genuinely tried to create content and build a platform, grow an audience–fortunately I failed at achieving anything considerable. Today I would much rather connect with a select few than many. For me, connection has to be meaningful.

With that said, I’ve started a creative writing mentorship! So, for the foreseeable future I’ll be closely working with the lovely author Natasha Hastings in order to develop and refine my voice as a writer so I can finally feel confident enough to draft a novel manuscript! For that I have to thank my amazing friend Jack (who’s one of the best content creators on TikTok, by the way) for facilitating this bridge.

This blog will serve as a register of this journey, as a sort of accountability journal, since one of my biggest struggles is to publicly share what I write (as a fanfiction author under various pseudonyms I know no such shame). Last year when I took the thirty days of writing challenge my full intention was to share at least 10 short stories… I managed two! HAHAHA. And let me tell you, sharing Manatee felt like having my liver ripped out of my body. But at least I was very pleased with The Spring Bird Calls.

I want to overcome this!

It’s like we say in Brazil… Days of fighting and days of glory. I know I have incredible ideas and a lot of potential as a writer, but none of that will bloom if I don’t put myself out there. It’s time to plant my seeds.

Our mentorship will feature various writing exercises and the idea is to share whatever is shareable here, as well as other pieces I have backlogged on my editing pile as I gain more confidence and experience. This page might also feature some random personal post here and there.

Which brings up my second topic: I wrote a small piece after processing the week I got to spend with Leticia when she came over last November. This is a piece written for all of my closest friends, you know who you are!

I’ve been holding it back because I genuinely did not feel like sharing it on Instagram, ew.

It’s called:

I’m not good at being acquaintances

I’m not good at being acquaintances

And I wasn’t even that good at being a friend

But you were wonderful from the first day we met

Like I think some people twinkle when they step

Little stars jumping from underneath their feet

With a funny little sprinkle twinkle that makes a pop

Hell, I wasn’t even a whole person back then

And I was playing at being two or three

But you just kept stopping by

And I never really thought much of it

Until I did

The other day you said about me

“She’s always been this way with me”

And my shoulders sagged with relief

Because while I wasn’t whole

At least there was a half that was always there

I’ve always been fortunate in a way

Because while I can count with one hand

The twinkle-sprinkle-popping people who never stopped coming by

I’m also decent at taking opportunities when they come

So while I struggle with words

I hang on to everything you say

And I may not be good at expressing myself

But I want you to try all of my favorite skincare

And if you ask me “should I buy ____”

I’ll say yes because because what is a regret in the face of a ‘what if’

I’m chronically online 

But what is a phone when you can tell me all about people I don’t know and things I’m not into 

When you light up like you do?

I don’t know if I’m the greatest of friends

To be honest I don’t even know what that entails

But I want to know about your blood work

And your daily habits

How many hours you sleep at night

And what things have you learned?

What things do you want to learn?

Are you taking care of yourself?

Because I am

I am taking care of myself

And in a way we are extensions of one another

That’s probably why I’m a terrible acquaintance

And a strange friend

Because I’m this way

But you said yes

And we made rings

So there’s that

I’m not good at being acquaintances

But I think I’ve learned how to be a friend

~

I believe you can’t genuinely support another person if you can’t take accountability for yourself and your dysfunctional behaviors. And that’s what this piece is mostly about.

Thanks for your presence and time.

Much love,

Gabie.